


Kanpai!

by MajestyTime



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Eskimo Kisses, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hot Chocolate, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Japan, Light Angst, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, New Year's Kiss, New Year's Resolutions, New Years, Sunrises, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajestyTime/pseuds/MajestyTime
Summary: Tonight was New Year's Eve, and the room was full of people. Friends and family chattered and bubbled with life, and Ash didn't know any of them.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 11
Kudos: 142





	1. New Year's Eve

Tonight was New Year's Eve, and the room was full of people. Friends and family chattered and bubbled with life, and Ash didn't know any of them. He had only just arrived in Japan a few months ago and he was still struggling to adjust to his new life. It took years for Ash to hide his identity and immigrate to Japan permanently, but it was worth it to be with Eiji.

Right now, though, Ash was regretting letting Eiji throw this party. Eiji insisted that everything would be fine, but Ash still hadn't warmed up to Eiji's family yet, and their amiability put him on edge. Of course Eiji would come from a nice family, but their kind nature was suspicious to Ash, especially that of Eiji's father, who seemed to be roughly the age of the men who would buy Ash's services in the dark nights of New York City.

The thought makes Ash's stomach lurch. How could he equate Eiji's father to those cruel men who hurt him in that vile city? He'd been nothing but nice to Ash, and not in a creepy way. Still, Ash couldn't force the tenseness of his muscles to evaporate whenever talking to him.

Ash was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in the corner of the room. Eiji had more family than Ash had initially thought. Ash thought all Eiji had was his parents and his sister, but apparently not. There were cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews attending this party. Normally, in a big apartment like theirs (Ash had bought it with Dino's dirty money), there would be plenty of room for everyone. But, on top of that, Eiji had invited friends of his own and friends of the family as well, making for a bit of a tight squeeze. It was miracle that there was enough food for everyone. Eiji, his sister, and his parents spent forever making all the food.

Ash could see Eiji from a distance now. He was by the stairs leading up to the second floor, talking to some man who looked around his age. As Eiji threw his back and laughed to something the other man said, Ash couldn't help but feel a spark of rotten purple erupt within his empty chasm of a chest. Why was Ash getting mad over such a minor thing? Eiji was allowed to fly free and have fun with others, unlike Ash, who was permanently shackled to the ground. Eiji could carry Ash through the sky, but sometimes, Ash wished he could fly alongside Eiji.

Just then, a group of girls come up to him, asking him questions in Japanese.

"What's your name?" One of the girls ask, smiling. Ash could see the awe in all of their eyes, and he hated it. Everyone had black hair and brown eyes, so Ash very much stuck out like a sore thumb with his jade gem eyes and silky hair that shone like freshly spun gold from a fairy tale. Their gazes reminded him that he would always be a beautiful background decoration to gawk at, a delicate glass bowl to keep locked away until needed, a porcelain doll to play with and then toss away after its been dirtied by years of rough play.

"My name is Ash," He replies. "And you?"

Ash didn't really care for this girl's name, but he didn't want to come off as rude and make Eiji look bad once they find out that he was Eiji's friend.

"Kaori," She replies. Before she can continue, the other girls pipe in with their own names. Ash can feel his head fill with fuzz as they all talk, the whole room fading away as a tunnel forms between him and them, their faces the only thing he can make out. He answers their questions robotically, every fiber in his body begging them to just leave already, despite their polite attitude and friendliness. He could feel his mind crashing against his skull, begging to float away and escape this world permanently so he can finally be at peace. A few middle aged women had joined as well, asking him if he was married yet.

Just then, Eiji pierces through the circle of women that had formed around Ash. The entire world snaps back into view like a whip, and Ash's vision immediately focuses on Eiji, who was addressing everyone around Ash with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, everyone," Eiji apologizes lightheartedly. "My friend Ash is a foreigner from the U.S. who can't speak Japanese fluently yet. Please forgive him for being unable to answer all of your questions."

Ash had made an amazing amount of progress in speaking Japanese considering he'd only been living in Izumo for a few months. Ash could speak enough to hold full conversations, but Ash wasn't about to correct Eiji.

The women laugh good-naturedly, apologizing in return for being a bit overwhelming. They direct some questions at Eiji, and Eiji manages to answer them all swiftly before steering Ash toward their empty bedroom, where all was quiet.

Eiji shuts and locks the door behind them before turning to face Ash. "Hey, are you okay?"

The way Eiji stares at him with his big, chocolate brown eyes makes Ash feel like even if he tries to lie, Eiji will see right through him.

"I'm fine," Ash says, his voice and expression deathly calm as he sits down cross-legged in the middle of the bed. Eiji sighs and sits down cross-legged next to Ash.

"Are you sure?" Eiji asks. A teasing grin creeps onto his face. "Would you like me to send you back into the throng of women asking if you're single?"

Ash smiles and rolls his eyes. "Nope, and thank you for saving me."

"I'll always be your knight in shining armor," Eiji says with a smile, gently bumping Ash's side with his own. Ash bumps Eiji back harder, making Eiji squeal.

"How dare you!" Eiji says, bumping Ash back even harder as he struggles to hold back his giggles. Ash bumps against Eiji again, and as Eiji is about to bump him back once more, Ash pushes Eiji backwards onto the bed, hovering over him and pinning him down. Eiji squirms underneath Ash, his arms pinned above his head and his legs pinned by Ash's knees resting on either side of Eiji's hips. His torso was a good foot away from Eiji's; hovering on top of Eiji, but still keeping his distance. 

"Ash," Eiji giggles and whines, dragging out the 'a' in Ash's name.

"A real knight wouldn't be captured this easily," Ash says, smirking. "You're more like the princess who constantly needs to be rescued."

Eiji pouts at that, puffing out his cheeks so adorably that Ash could feel his heart physically burst inside his chest.

"No I'm not!" Eiji responds, sticking his tongue out at Ash and blowing raspberries in his face.

"Ew," Ash wrinkles his nose, making Eiji laugh. "Real mature."

"Coming from you," Eiji retorts. "That's rich."

"Oh really?" Ash challenges. "Name one time I've been immature."

Eiji's cheeks turn pink as he struggles to come up with an example. "Well, I can't think of anything off the top of my head..."

"I win," Ash says smugly, his grip loosening around Eiji. Suddenly, Eiji breaks free and Ash finds himself pinned underneath Eiji, who was hovering above him in the same way he was just moments ago. Before, in New York City, Ash would have never let down his guard enough for Eiji to be able to overcome him like this, but things were different now. It took Ash several years create a new identity in order to be able to come to Japan, and Ash had only been in Japan with Eiji for a few months. Despite this, Ash was more bold with Eiji than he had expected. Maybe it was because Ash had been all alone in the years in between the craziness surrounding Banana Fish and heading to Japan and now he felt a bit touch starved. He didn't have to use his body as a weapon so much after the death of Dino and Foxx. Ash only had to sell himself a few times and for the most part, he was all alone. Being with Eiji made Ash move without thinking sometimes, and that was terrifying, but also exhilarating.

"How the tables have spun," Eiji teases. Ash stares at Eiji with mock offense, making Eiji giggle.

"You mean 'how the tables have turned'," Ash says, rolling his eyes. He can feel time distorting and speeding up in order to disguise his heart pounding in his chest because of the sight of Eiji above him with his honey eyes staring at him with sparkling fireworks and inky waterfall-like hair bobbing with his laughter. Eiji's beauty was breathtaking.

Eiji was beautiful and breathtaking, and Ash wasn't sure how much longer he could take it.

"Oh," Eiji giggles more. "Whatever. Same thing!"

Ash pushes Eiji off of him and to the side gently and swiftly, making Eiji squeal as he sinks into the soft bedsheets and pillows. Ash quickly gets up and picks up a pillow before unceremoniously smacking Eiji in the face with the pillow.

"Not the same," Ash says, smacking Eiji in the face with the pillow again, making Eiji let out an unattractive shriek that somehow still made Ash's stomach do somersaults.

"You do not want to start a pillow fight with me Ash," Eiji says, failing to look intimidating as he attempts (and fails) to hide the beaming smile on his face, brighter than the sun.

"Is that a challenge?" Ash responds, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms. Before Eiji can respond, somebody knocks on their bedroom door. Eiji sits up and they both turn their heads to look at the door.

"Onii-san!" Eiji's younger sister calls through the door. "Are you in there?"

"Yeah," Eiji calls back.

"The year is ending in a few minutes!" She exclaims. "Come outside for the countdown!"

"Already? That was fast," Eiji says quietly, his eyes wide. He raises his voice before replying. "Coming!"

Eiji swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands up as his sister's footsteps fade away. Ash uncrosses his arms.

Eiji looks over his shoulder to look at Ash and smiles. "Come on."

Ash can feel the heat rush into his cheeks as Eiji looks at him with his soft expression. The look Eiji gave him made Ash feel like Eiji was laying him bare and looking straight into his soul. Eiji really, truly saw Ash and understood him, better than Ash himself did.

"Yeah," Ash says as Eiji turns around and walks out of the room. Ash follows Eiji out of the room at a distance. They head downstairs and stand next each other near the back of the room as some people crowd around the T.V. to watch the New York City ball drop. Most of the people were milling about around the room, chattering away. Eiji leans over to Ash and speaks quietly.

"Did you ever watch the ball drop in Times Square?" Eiji asks, making eye contact with Ash in a way that made Ash turn his head away, unable to handle the light in Eiji's gaze. Ash shakes his head, words escaping him at that moment.

"We should go someday," Eiji says as he pulls away to look at the T.V. "If you want."

The thought of going back to New York City sends a spike of dread through Ash, but Ash is not as quick to push the thought away as he normally would be. Maybe a decade or so into the future, Ash and Eiji could go to New York City together as completely normal tourists. They could wander around the city without the threat of dangerous gangs breathing down their necks. They could skate together at Rockefeller Center and take a horse carriage ride through the city and picnic at Central Park and have dinner together at the very top of the One World Observatory and watch the ball drop together in the freezing cold in Times Square and then at midnight, they stare into each other's eyes and their lips would collide in a fiery ball of passion and love—

Ash shakes his head, the wings in chest fluttering and lifting his heart upwards. The people around him were beginning to chant along to the countdown.

"10...9...8...7...!"

Eiji notices Ash staring blankly forward and gently bumps into Ash's side to get him to chant along. They make eye contact for a moment and Ash joins in.

"6...5...4...3...!"

Ash looks around the room quickly. Everyone either had their eyes glued to the T.V. or to their significant others. Nobody was looking at him and Eiji.

"2...1...!"

Ash can feel his heart bouncing off the walls of his chest as he stares at Eiji, who's attention was focused on the countdown. Ash can feel all the dark thoughts and fears inside of him melt away as he focuses completely on Eiji.

"Happy New Year!"

Eiji cheers along with everyone else as Ash swiftly leans in and then leans away, his lips making contact with Eiji's cheek for barely a millisecond. Eiji smile fades as his lips form a perfect 'o'. He stares at Ash with wide eyes, his skin hot from where Ash's lips had touched him, pink hues rushing through his face. Ash determinedly stares forward, avoiding eye contact with Eiji for fear of melting right there on the spot. His lips ached, the sensation of Eiji's soft skin echoing intensely on them. Eiji leans forward slowly and presses his lips against Ash's cheek as well, his lips lingering on Ash's skin for longer. Ash's skin burns as Eiji's lips slowly slide off, still hovering close to his cheek. Ash turns his head to look at Eiji, his awestruck expression mirroring Ash's own. They stare into each other's eyes, the entire universe reflected in each other's eyes. Eiji smiles softly at Ash, and Ash feels his heart skip a beat.

Eiji opens his mouth to say something, but before he can speak, some people come up to Eiji and begin speaking to him. Ash quietly slips away, his lips and cheek still tingling with light and potential like golden sparklers in summer lighting up the dark night sky.

Ash couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that his lips and skin had made contact with Eiji's skin and lips. Ash felt like he was floating on cloud nine, his brain turned to mush by the heat in his lower abdomen and heart.

What did this mean for Ash and Eiji? They'd hugged and wrapped their arms around each other before, but they'd never...They'd never made contact like...like that before...!

Ash's stomach lurched with the possibilities that had suddenly caught aflame through the sparks he shared with Eiji. A mixture of excitement and guilt collided inside him, giving him a horrible abyss in his stomach and a swarm of silver butterflies twirling and gliding inside of him. Ash knew Eiji deserved someone better than him—a prostitute and a murderer—and yet, he couldn't help but feel excessively happy over the thought of being with Eiji so intimately. They could cuddle together in bed as the sun rises through the window or slow dance together in the kitchen or maybe even kiss—

Ash shakes his head, pushing the images out of his head. He wants to be more intimate with Eiji, but at the same time, Ash was terrified. What if their sweet intimacy was the beginning of a brutal nightmare? Ash would never want Eiji to feel pressured into doing anything with him, and Ash could never imagine Eiji hurting him. Despite this, something inside him whispers all different ways everything could go wrong. Ash had been used too many times for him to even entertain the possibility of having sex with Eiji. Would Ash ever be able to have a normal love life in the future after the disgusting past he's endured?

Ash lingers by the table will all the finger food as people start heading out. Each person says goodbye to Eiji and his family before stepping out of the apartment. Nobody knew that the beautiful blonde man in the corner of the room simultaneously hoped for and dreaded becoming part of the Okumura family. Ash didn't even know for sure if he'd even become part of their family. Eiji and his family were perfect and normal, and Ash was—well, Ash: Broken, damaged, corrupt. Ash would never be able to fit into their family.

Eventually, Eiji, Eiji's family, and Ash are the only ones left in the apartment.

"We'll help you clean," Eiji's father says as he begins picking up plates from one of the tables. Eiji quickly rushes to his side to try to stop him.

"It's fine! Ash and I can handle it," Eiji says as his father continues picking up plates.

"Nonsense, Eiji," Eiji's mother says, picking up plastic plates. "We helped you throw this party; it's only right for us to help you clean it up, too."

Eiji's younger sister, Nanako, begins picking up the plastic cups. Ash silently collects the beverage glasses as well while Eiji bickers with his parents. Ash and Nanako make eye from across the room and the two of them awkwardly look away from each other as they continue cleaning up.

Eiji gives up on convincing his parents to stop cleaning and joins in, bringing a huge garbage bag over to his mother and sister so they can throw out the plastic dishes. Ash brings some of the glasses to the kitchen, where Eiji's father was washing the dishes. Ash travels in and out of the kitchen several times to bring more glasses, plates, and platters before Eiji's father suddenly speaks up.

"Thank you for bringing all the dishes," He says as he scrubs at one of the plates.

"Yeah," Ash mumbles before scurrying out of the kitchen, his back crawling with the memories of wrinkled skin and sticky flesh.

Everyone cleans up in no time. Eiji and his family talk and makes jokes as they clean while Ash slinks around the room, helping where he can. It was now around two to three in the morning, and Nanako was yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"Thanks for the help," Eiji says. They all stand together by the door as Eiji's family slip into their coats. Ash stands off to the side a few meters away with his arms crossed, staring at the floor and turning invisible.

"It's no problem," Eiji's father responds. Eiji's mother notices Ash standing off to the side and gestures for Ash to come over to them as she speaks.

"Ash, come here!" She says with a smile. Ash can feel everything in his body freeze for a millisecond like a deer in headlights before he forces himself to walk over to them. He stands next to Eiji and faces them, avoiding eye contact with Eiji's dad.

"We wish you good luck for the new year!" Eiji's father says.

"Us too," Eiji replies, gently nudging Ash.

"Yes," Ash says, monotone. The awkward tension was thick between them. A beat of silence passes before Eiji's parents both come in for a hug. Eiji's mother hugs Eiji first, then hugs Ash, who very weakly hugs her back. Eiji's father hugs Eiji, but when he gets to Ash, he simply pats Ash on the shoulder and leans in slightly to speak as Eiji talks to his mother and Nanako dozes off.

"I can tell you feel especially uncomfortable around me," He says quietly, an apologetic smile on his face. "I don't know why, and it's okay if you don't want to share, but I hope someday you can find happiness with our family."

Guilt rushes through Ash, crackling like lightning as he struggles to come up with words. He opens his mouth and closes it again like a fish as Eiji's dad gives him a gentle nod and turns around to wake up Nanako, who had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Ash," Eiji's mother says, turning to face him. Her expression and tone turns playfully stern. "Make sure to take care of Eiji, okay? He can be a big baby sometimes."

"Mom," Eiji whines, making her giggle.

"He's definitely a handful," Ash plays along weakly, the craziness of the day catching up to him as drowsiness slowly washes over him.

"Unbelievable!" Eiji says as he whips around to face Ash, a look of utter betrayal on his face. Ash just smirks at him, making him pout. His family begins heading out of the door.

Before leaving, Eiji's parents say, "Happy new year!"

"Happy new year," Eiji and Ash both respond, slightly out-of-sync. Eiji gently closes the door and locks it. He then turns around to face Ash.

"Who knew throwing a party was so tiring," Eiji sighs flopping dramatically onto the couch. Ash can feel his stomach lurch as he frowns and stares into the floor. Eiji turns his head to look up at Ash.

"Ash?" Eiji asks, his cheek pressing into one of the pillows. Ash shifts his gaze to look at Eiji, then shifts it away again, debating telling Eiji about how he can't be around Eiji's father. But, how could Ash tell Eiji? The whole thing was so fucked up and Eiji would most likely never look at his father the same again. It would just make the whole thing awkward.

So, instead, Ash lifts his head up and forces a smile on his face. "I'm fine."

Eiji frowns and opens his mouth to press further, but before he can, Ash sits down next to him and runs his fingers through Eiji's silky black hair, making Eiji blush.

"I'm tired too. We should go upstairs to sleep," Ash says, sighing as his body melts into the couch. The disgust and guilt lingers within him, and Eiji's father's words echo in his mind, but Ash ignores it all in favor of succumbing to sleep.

Eiji sits up suddenly, the sudden movement causing Ash to open his eyes.

"We can't sleep yet," Eiji says, a smile creeping onto his face. "We have to stay up to watch the sunrise first!"

Ash tilts his head to the side, signaling Eiji to elaborate.

"It's a Japanese tradition to greet the new year by watching the sun rise and to make a wish for the new year," Eiji explains, his eyes shining. His cheeks heat up as he continues. "Normally, you'd watch the sun rise with your family and pray for good fortune with them, and every year I've gone with my family, but this year, I let my parents know in advance that I wanted to spend it with you..."

Eiji's words make all the sleepiness in Ash's body lighter as his heart soars inside his chest.

_He thinks of me as..._

"I mean, I know I should've asked in advance, but..." Eiji says, looking away. "I wanted it to be a special surprise. It's fine if you'd rather sleep, though."

Ash smiles softly, gently taking Eiji's hand in his own. They make eye contact as Ash speaks, his jade eyes swirling with something indescribably beautiful.

"I wouldn't miss watching the sunrise with you for the world."

Eiji's face flushes full tomato red at Ash's words, making Ash smile. Maybe it was lack of sleep controlling him, or maybe it was all the sweet words Eiji had said to him, but Ash leaned forward and gently rubbed his nose against Eiji.

"You're too cute," Ash murmurs, gently leaning his forehead against Eiji's. Eiji smiles softly, closing his eyes and savoring this sacred moment between them for as long as he can.

A few moments pass before Ash pulls away and looks at Eiji.

"Can we at least take a nap first?" He asks. Eiji pouts, the sentimental moment gone in an instant.

"Sure," Eiji sighs, closing his eyes as he clutches one of the throw pillows on the couch.

"Shouldn't we set an alarm and go upstairs first?" Ash asks, feeling his drowsiness wash over him with more venom than before.

"Right...that..." Eiji murmurs, his head already lolling over his shoulder.

"Eiji," Ash says, poking Eiji right below his ribs, making him squeal and jump awake.

Ash snorts at the squeal, attempting and failing to hide his amusement. Eiji blushes and pouts before standing up and pulling out his phone to set an alarm for six in the morning. Ash follows Eiji upstairs to the bedroom, where he locks the door before crawling into bed beside Eiji. Eiji sets his phone on the nightstand beside him before pulling the blanket over him and turning to face Ash.

Ash pulls the blanket over himself as well, the closeness between him and Eiji making his heart beat faster. The warmth from the blanket makes Ash sink into his pillow, sleep finally starting to claim him.

"Goodnight," Eiji murmurs, closing his eyes.

"Goodnight, Eiji," Ash mumbles, succumbing to the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed :)


	2. New Year's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY it's kinda shit I was rushing a little bit to finish SORRYYYY

Their weight on him is suffocating. Their lips drag across his skin, cutting him open. Blood spills onto the sheets, but they keep going. Bugs swarm the room, eating away at Ash's skin, revealing his rotting black, rotting insides. The horrible stench of corpses and blood and semen fill the room, moans and screams echoing louder and louder in the room, inside Ash's head, in his entire body. He's dead and he can't breath and they are still dragging hand across his skin and licking his decaying flesh—

Ash cries out as his eyes shoot open, adrenaline tearing through his body. His hands instinctively grip the sheets as he sits up in bed, his body uncomfortably hot. His heart slams against chests, begging to burst out and run from danger. Ash clutches at his chest and whips his head around to look at EIji, who was sleeping beside him. Eiji's chest rose up and down slowly and steadily, his face still, his right arm tucked underneath his pillow and his left arm clutching the blanket tightly in his sleep. The sight of Eiji before him slows his racing heartbeat, soothing all his tense muscles. Adrenaline still coursed through him, so Ash silently leans against the bed's headboard and closes his eyes. Images of blood and corpses and naked flesh flash through his mind and Ash immediately opens his eyes, gripping the sheets tightly. He breathes in and out slowly, but the anxiety still lingers.

"What a perfect way to start off the new year," Ash mumbles bitterly, his nails digging into the palms of his skin. Slowly, Eiji's fingertips land gently on the back of Ash's hand like five pink butterflies delicately fluttering their wings. Ash turns his head to look at Eiji, who was staring up at Ash with wide eyes. Eiji's golden brown eyes drift down to Ash's hand. He gently pries apart Ash's fingers from Ash's palm before intertwining his fingers with Ash's. Eiji sits up and gently drags his thumb around in circles on the back of Ash's hand. Ash stares at their linked hands, his muscles already loosening.

"The year hasn't started yet," Eiji mumurs, staring at their linked hands as well. "This isn't your new beginning."

Ash stays silent, staring blankly at the bedroom wall instead. Eiji sits up in bed and checks the time on his phone using his free hand. Eiji turns his head to Ash.

"The sunrise is going to start in around half an hour," Eiji says, gently squeezing Ash's hand. "Why don't we make some snacks or drinks to take with us when we watch the sunrise?"

"Can we make hot chocolate?" Ash mumbles, embarrassment flooding through him as he looks away. His words make him feel like a bratty child, and when Eiji gently grabs Ash's chin with his forefinger and thumb and turns Ash's head to make Ash look at him, the smile on Eiji's face makes Ash's cheeks heat up.

"Sure," Eiji says, staring into Ash's eyes for a moment before getting up from bed. He loosens his grip on Ash's hand, but Ash grips his hand tightly, making him stop in his tracks. Eiji looks over his shoulder to look at Ash as he silently slips out of bed to stand beside Eiji. Ash stares at the floor, avoiding Eiiji's eyes. Eiji smiles and doesn't say anything as he walks out of the room, Ash following him while holding his hand. They walk to the kitchen and Ash finally lets go of Eiji hand once they step inside.

Ash takes out the ingredients and Eiji makes them two cups of hot chocolate. Ash pours a little bit of sugar into his cup and stare at his swirling hot chocolate as he absentmindedly stirs it.

"You're not going to put more sugar?" Eiji asks as he glances over to Ash. Ash slides his jade eyes over to Eiji, who poured several spoons of sugar into his cup before stirring.

"No, I'm not a fan of diabetes," Ash jokes, his voice coming out weak. Eiji has the decency to laugh at Ash's pathetic joke, and even though Ash knows he doesn't deserve it, his heart still lifts at the soft melody of Eiji's voice. A weak smile makes its way to Ash's face as Eiji speaks.

"Hey! I like my sugar!" Eiji says, his tone playfully defensive. Eiji takes a sip of his hot chocolate and lets out a chaste moan of satisfaction, his smile growing bigger.

"Try it!" Eiji says, turning to Ash. Eiji's warm smile wraps itself like a blanket around Ash's heart warms him from the inside out. He turns his head to look at his hot chocolate and smiles softly.

"I'll drink it while we watch the sunrise," Ash says, picking up his cup of hot chocolate.

"Do you want to watch it inside or outside?" Eiji asks.

"Outside, if you don't mind?"

"Sure."

"Let's sit on the balcony in our blankets!"

"Eiji, we have to wear coats or we'll freeze."

"No! That's not as fun!"

"Eiji..."

"Ash...!"

The whininess in Eiji's voice was like that of a pleading, spoiled child begging for another gift on Christmas Day, and Ash simply couldn't resist.

Ash rolls his eyes and turns his body away from Eiji to hide his blushing expression. "Fine, bring the blanket, but we both still have to wear sweaters as well!"

"Yay!" Eiji pumps his fist in the air and sets his cup down onto the kitchen counter before rushing upstairs to grab their fluffy blanket and two sweaters. He makes it back downstairs in no time with their blanket in one hand and two sweaters in the other.

"Are those both my sweaters?" Ash asks, his cheeks turning pink.

"I just grabbed the first two sweaters I saw in the drawer," Eiji stammers, blushing as he realizes that he'd be wearing one of Ash's sweaters. "Do you want me to—"

"No, it's fine," Ash stutters before quickly grabbing one of the sweaters and slipping it on before grabbing both of their mugs and heading to the balcony. Ash's sweater was a soft baby blue. Eiji slips into the other sweater, which was a light lavender. Both sweaters were soft and cozy. Ash's sweater was slightly loose on Eiji and before Eiji could think too much about the fact that he was wearing Ash's sweater, Eiji hurries over to the balcony.

Ash and Eiji sit on the small love seat on their cozy balcony and Eiji throws the blanket over both of them before taking his hot chocolate from Ash's hand.

"Thanks," Eiji murmurs, his heart racing in his chest at the closeness between him and Ash.

Ash hums in response before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. He closes his eyes and lets the warmth seep through him. Ash shuffles closer to Eiji so that their arms are touching.

"Is this okay?" Ash asks, his voice low and soft like firelight in a winter storm.

"Yes," Eiji murmurs back, gently resting his head on Ash's shoulder and closing his eyes. The sun was slowly creeping up over the horizon. Golden yellow, daffodil pink, and fiery orange come up in thin strips, pushing back the darkness and bringing forth the light.

"This is nice," Eiji says, smiling softly.

Ash turns his to look at Eiji resting on his shoulder, his whole body filling with a different kind of warmth as he responds. "Yeah..."

"Make a wish," Eiji whispers, opening his eyes to enjoy the sunrise.

"You first," Ash replies, taking another sip of his hot chocolate.

"I wish for happiness," Eiji says, his voice gently and steady like willow trees swaying in the wind. "I wish for happiness to come easily to us both. I wish for your past wounds to be soothed and for new memories to replace the bad ones. And I wish to be by your side always."

Ash silently slides his hand over to Eiji's underneath the blanket and gently intertwines their fingers, the first beautiful colors of dawn instilling a calm inside of him.

"Your turn," Eiji says, nuzzling his cheek against Ash's shoulder, familiarizing himself with this silent vulnerability that wrapped itself around the two of them like a gentle hug.

Ash stays silent for a long time before giving his answer.

"I wish..." Ash says, closing his eyes and holding his breath for a moment. "I wish to become good enough for you."

Eiji lifts his head up. "Ash—"

Ash turns his head to look at Eiji and gently kisses him on the nose, a soft smile on his lips, more genuine and loving than any expression Eiji has every seen. The sight of Ash's jade eyes glimmering with all the light in the world as he looks at Eiji knocks the wind out of Eiji's lungs.

"Let's just enjoy this," Ash whispers, resting his head against Eiji's shoulder. Eiji leans his head on top of Ash's, taking another sip of his hot chocolate. He closes his eyes and lets all of tomorrow's worries fade away with the night.

"Eiji," Ash says, lifting his head. "How do you say 'cheers' in Japanese?"

"Kanpai," Eiji replies without missing a beat. Ash raises his cup of hot chocolate towards Eiji.

"A toast," Ash says. "To the new year."

Eiji smiles as they raise their cups and speak in unison.

"Kanpai!"

Their mugs clink softly and they each take a sip. Ash settles into his snuggling position with his head resting on Eiji's shoulder and his hand holding Eiji's.

"Do you think this year is going to be good?" Ash asks softly, his voice more fragile than glass.

"It will," Eiji replies, gently rubbing circles into the back of Ash's hand with his thumb. "You're not alone anymore."

Ash closes his eyes.

_I'm not alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I hope 2020 is an amazing year for you all and thank you for reading! :)


End file.
